Game Over.
I don’t think you deserve to be given even a tiny gesture of closure for you suddenly distanced yourself and offered me no amount of explanation. But I was guilty of the same crime to another person and I can see why you did what you did, and we do pay for our mistakes. Clever move, mate. There are a lot of things I want to tell you, a lot of things I know wouldn’t mean anything to you, or that if I meant anything to you, for that matter. But I shall choose what I disclose since it needs to be said, because I am not like you and I won’t keep you at bay. Silence is piercing and more often than not, increasingly torturous than blatant dislike.
I regret nothing of the friendship, or whatever bizarre relationship that existed between us, for the past two years. Saying you own a reasonably big part of me would seem so stupid, however it is the truth and I am not a coward for being able to admit it. It wouldn’t stay that way for long, though.
I have feared to open myself up to you, because I know that I’ll be risking losing you. To be honest, I saw this coming. That someday, somehow, you will leave me hanging, like what you did to the others, but I didn’t let rationality rule over because I chose to have faith in you instead; faith that you treated me differently, considered me special, that I am not part of your flirtatious circle of flings.
I was wrong, obviously. I was a mere addition to your collection. You do well to play with feelings, and I take it that you have made your choice, and that is to throw me away. I am then, soon to cut all connections with you. My loss or yours? I don’t know.
You even gave me a silver lining, that if you just used me, then why are you still here? Still with me… I should’ve figured out that it’s only a matter of time before you completely abandon me.
Thank you though, I have learned a lot from you, you taught me so much. And thank you specially, with the last moments we shared alone together.
Yet you did greater damage. The pain you inflict me, I am now numb of them all. I will miss you in the far future, if I don’t already do, like how a person misses a dead relative.
You will hear no more of me. And if by any chance you still want me in your life, remember it was not I but you who made me decide our predicament. I’ve had enough of you. This is what you want, then so be it.
So long!
I am abandoning this blog.
My reblog site became mistymayhem (previously felissilvestris) and felissilvestris will be my subblog in that account where all original posts can be found, so I won’t be tempted to reblog since subblogs do not have a dashboard and cannot follow people, but can still be followed and reblogged.
I can’t delete this right away, but it will be inactive from this point on :>
Start your day right with everything that makes you feel good.
A Trace of You in an Empty Space
I specially miss you in silence, when there is nothing else to do but think. I thought you would fade away fast but it’s the little things that make you stay. Sometimes I wonder if I can forget, and sometimes I wonder if I really have to.
You left a part of you everywhere.
I turn around and I see you, here and there, each place, object and image seemingly trivial at a glance but is actually sentimental for it holds a speck of your memory.
I filter them one by one, separating the good and the bad, closing my eyes to a gateway of pain and unwanted recollection. I embrace the feeling of longing, if not the unnecessary desire that comes along with it.
I miss you, I miss it all. But the line has long been drawn.
